Moving on From Friendship Breakups
When the unexpected happens and we break apart from a friendship that we thought would last a lifetime, it’s crucial to give ourselves the space to grieve. Grieving any relationship can feel strange and confusing because the other person involved is still around – but they’re no longer in OUR life. Can you relate to this?
The Western world deems breakups as a negative experience that should be avoided at all costs. But what if you were to view your friendship breakup as a chance to learn, grow, and heal? An opportunity to shed a layer of your conditioned Self so that you can step into who you authentically are. It’s probably clear by now that we change enormously throughout our twenties, so what we used to connect with is likely to be different from what fulfils us now. This is normal, and this is totally okay. *sigh of relief!*
From personal experience, losing a friend can be harder to deal with than a romantic breakup. There are thousands of books about romantic relationships, but there’s really not much out there about friendships and their endings. It took me years to fully accept that my friend and I were no longer aligned with one another, and even now I get caught in spirals of ‘What happened? How did we get here?’.
As the Wellbeing Expert Ambassador for Talk Twenties, I’d like to share with you my 3 favourite tips for moving through friendship breakups.
Grieve
Cry, scream, shout, punch a pillow! Whatever you’re feeling is valid, so let it out. Releasing emotions relieves stress and stops you from building up tension in your body (which is where we experience feelings). Researchers have found that we experience an emotion for just 90 seconds, so whilst this might be painful, it WILL be temporary. There’s no rush – it can take weeks, months, or even years to grieve the loss of a friendship so this is about what works best for you.
Goodbye
Accepting that the friendship isn’t the same anymore is a journey, but ultimately acceptance means being at peace. As Carl Jung says ‘what we resist, persists’. By letting go of what used to be and accepting that life is fluid, you’ll have more space for other friendships/relationships that match your value & belief system.
To get there, write a goodbye letter to your friend (but don’t send it) expressing your thoughts, feelings, and anything you didn’t get to share with them. You can be completely honest because they won’t be reading the letter. Once you’ve let it all out, rip it up or burnt it to symbolise letting go. Have a goodbye ceremony with someone who supported you through the grief.
Get going
Firstly, well done for processing something painful! There might be moments of feeling sad, angry, or lonely (which is fine) in response to the breakup but there’s a good chance it’ll be easier to deal with now. This is the part where you get to reconnect with friends who you haven’t seen for a while, and even connect with new friends who are on your wavelength. There are millions of people out there who you will share common ground with, and your energy will attract each other when your mind is clear and ready.
My parents have close friends who they’ve met in their 30s, 40s, and 50s so there’s nothing weird about developing new relationships in your 20s and beyond.
In fact, Talk Twenties hosted a live event in Liverpool, with a live Talk Twenties episode recording on friendships, which you can listen to here: Friendships in your 20s with Live Audience | Pins and Pals Event
Sending you infinite amounts of love on this bumpy ride,
♡ Sophie ♡
